[ This article is a part of my “self-love” articles, besides of Kumulai Dari Diri Sendiri Untuk Menjadi Diri Sendiri and Relax, One Day It Will Stop ]

“Midnight.” 

Hmm...

Who doesn’t know midnight? It's a middle period of the night that starts from 12 A.M. Some jobs are stopped at that time, the crowds are rare to be found, and many lights from every single building and street are turned on.

People use that period to have a rest, go somewhere that is still open at midnight, do particular things that they must do, have quality time with their friends or even only with themself, and many more.

People who aren't sleeping by/at midnight would often have thoughts that come during those times. It's usually called "midnight thoughts".

Midnight thoughts, the thoughts that keep you up at night, or the thoughts that don't let you sleep. Usually, those thoughts come from guilt, regret, betrayal and mental issues that have scarred you for life and those thoughts haunt you during the night when you can't distract yourself from it.

I used to have those thoughts whenever I can’t sleep at midnight. Sometimes, I try to cope with these thoughts with tears, deep conversations, listening to a sad playlist, and trying my best to sleep and pretend that everything’s really fine. 

I remember the time I had my first-midnight thought, it happened when I was a freshman at a private university in Bandung. I was alone in my room. Couldn’t sleep at that time, I listened to my own playlist and suddenly I started to remember my mom (who had passed away in October 2016). I cried so hard, but I was afraid if I told this thought to everyone, so I kept this only to myself, tried to sleep, and pretended if everything was as fine as usual.

As time goes by, I still experience this, but now I try to not let my sadness and suicidal thoughts invade me. I use this moment to realize my mistakes, learn something from those mistakes, and I try to imply the lesson into my daily life. I also learn to control myself from facing midnight thoughts with developing my own coping mechanism.

What does The Bible say about having midnight thoughts on a sleepless night?

In Matthew 26:36-46, Jesus and His disciples went to the Garden of Gethsemane at midnight. He was overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death. When His disciples were sleeping, He knelt next to them and prayed to The Father thrice. In His prayers, He always said,

“My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will.”

and later He was ready for The Father’s plan to Him, which was being given to the sinful people.

During His sleepless night, Jesus faced His overwhelming feeling with praying to Father, letting every single decision come from Father, and being ready for sacrificing Himself, so that Jesus was able to face everything afterward.

Also on John 14, Jesus said to His Disciples, 

“Peace I leave with you, my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.”

So, We don’t have to be afraid of how scary sleepless nights & midnight thoughts are, as long as we believe that Jesus gives us peace upon us and He never leaves us, we can pass sleepless nights & midnight thoughts without any fear. We must have self-control and coping mechanism to use these thoughts for improving ourselves. We can share the thoughts with our belongings for some insights and advice from them (also read: You Make Me Feel Special: Pesan Tersimpan di Balik Lagu TWICE).

And last but not least, 

pray to God, share your thoughts to Him, let His plans work on your life, take the lessons from it, and live the lessons on your life with His help.